“I thought i was in love. Infact, I could’ve even sworn it was love. Everything was going smoothly, I felt butterflies, I was happy, he was the only thing I could think of and i knew he felt the same way too. Except he didn’t”.
It’s another episode of Relationship Struggles and before we proceed, I want to ask us a quick question. Have you ever been involved in a one sided relationship before? How did you handle it?
Sandra was in her 3rd year in the university when she met Jibola. “He didn’t even look like a Yoruba guy o, he was tall, fair, handsome, and had a very captivating smile. That kind that is contagious”. I was coming down from a bike when i mistakenly hit him, i immediately apologized and he accepted and smiled. It was our first encounter, I felt like i had met my soulmate and then I told God that if he was for me then we should meet again. I went home and slept, woke up craving bole and fish so i headed out to get some and get who i saw at the bole stand? Yes,it was him.
He smiled when he saw me and said, “You again”. I blushed. We exchanged contacts and that was the beginning of our story. First few weeks were amazing, we went on dates, had sleepovers, shared secrets, we were inseparable and literally did everything but there was a problem i was battling with– he hadn’t asked me out yet.
“My sisters, always ask for clarity o. Know where you stand. I know wetin i suffer because i say make i no force anything”.
Aside the fact that i was a bit bothered about us not being official official yet, we had fun. We did everything people do in a relationship and even more, we hade fights, made up, went out with our friends, Omo, we did everything. My friends would always advice me then, “Babe, hmm, ask this boy who you are to him o. For your own good. Men dey move mad these days o”. I would get angry whenever they said that, I even thought they were jealous. Jibola was my man, and i knew it so nobody could discourage me.
We met around June, fast forward to August. Baba started acting weird o. He would be so moody and whenever I asked him, he’d tell me, “never mind babe”. Now, he wasn’t a student so i really didn’t see him much during exam period plus he travelled a lot because of work so i just assumed that was his issue. Till he went to get fuel on this very hot afternoon on a Sunday, I said hot because it was hot. “That day eh, my brain been dey on fire”
We were watching a video on TikTok when the fuel finished, so he immediately went to get fuel because he has a match to watch soon. I don’t ever go through his phone but that day, the phone was open, “maybe he forgot to lock it”, I thought. I was about locking the phone when a notification popped up followed by other messages that made my heart stop.
“Babe, you’ve not sent me money”
“Did you forget?”“Your mum is in the house too, when are you coming back home?”
“When coming, don’t forget to get toys for the kids o. You promised”
I was still trying to process the whole thing when light came up, then he entered the room and saw his phone in my hands.
“Why’re you holding my phone?”
“Jibola, you have children?”
He laughed. “Where did you get that thought from?”. I showed him the chat.
“So?” he replied. “Who gave you the right to go through my phone?”
“Jibola, are you married? Have you been using me this whole time?”
“Using you? What do you mean using you. Why would you say i used you? We were having fun, or weren’t you?”
“I thought i was your girlfriend. I thought I was the only one in your life. I thought you loved me”
“This is why i don’t deal with all you small girls” he laughed. “Look, we were having fun Sandra. Besides, I didn’t ask you to be my girlfriend. You just assumed that, I never said i loved you either. Stop being a baby please, I have a match to watch”.
I was confused. I was speechless. This is somebody I had spent weeks with, the most loving man, all of a sudden I’m looking at the Devils incarnate. I picked up my bags slowly and walked away. I went home and I cried. I cried so much that i had no tears coming out of my eyes. I had literally been having an affair with a married man. Married man with children. What if the wife found out? What if it caused a scandal? What would I have said? I should’ve listened to my friends and saved myself this disgrace. I was still thinking to myself when a message came in from Jibola.
“I don’t know why you’re acting like a child. I love my wife and children but there’s something special about you. Don’t let petty feelings ruin what we have. Call me when you see this.”
See eh, I was mad. I blocked his bastard number everywhere and started crying all over again, my tears had somehow refilled itself. I called my friends and told them and thankfully they came to cheer me up. I was in a lot of pain and promised myself I would never date a Yoruba man again, “Infact eh, the day I’m to cross path with a Yoruba man, it’ll be better for a car to hit me. I’m done with men in general, till I’m done healing and I hear from God that this one is my own. God help me”.
Women to women talk, I don’t know who’s in this situation or something similar, I just want to say– Ask for clarity now! Know where you stand! It happened to Sandra, it could happen to any of us, it could even be happening to somebody right now. Don’t be scared of getting hurt, it’s better to get hurt when you’ve not fallen too deep. That’s all for today’s episode, till next time.
