Why do all good things come to an end? Granted all breakups aren’t looked back at with nostalgia and sadness, sometimes we leave a toxic relationship and we are just so relieved to have left that place of darkness that the only place to go is upward but there’s still some misery, at a point that relationship was the best thing to us and we can acknowledge the pain it gave us and still mourn its end.
Sometimes the relationship has to end not because there was no love but because love is not enough, issues of tribalism, religion, familial expectations etc intrude on our nirvana and the will and strength to swim against the current abandons us and we just let ourselves get swept up, the pain doesn’t hurt less and we struggle after to pull ourselves out of the mire of depressing thoughts, reminiscing and what ifs.
Different people have their different methods of dealing with this pain, a friend told me she locked herself up and refused to let anyone through, she cried for weeks, ate junk and drank. When she decided she was over the bulk of the pain she came home to her family and allowed them fawn over her then continued her healing process.
When one of my best friends heard of my breakup she immediately sent me some money and made me travel from where I was to her city, she allowed me lounge in her pajamas all day, gave me her family’s warmth and introduced me to someone who offered pro bono counseling services that I rejected. Being away from my family who were also mourning the end of that relationship was the best decision I took, having to be treated like glass would have broken me further.
Someone I know immediately latches unto a rebound, it supposedly isn’t healthy but he insists it works for him, he knows the rebound is him seeking warmth and value in someone’s arms and he always informs whoever his rebound is the true state of his feelings in an effort to minimize hurt.
I’ve been told of someone who would visit all their former spots and cry, some people have had to move out of cities because of how overwhelmed by memories they become. Some even try to end it all.
There are all these think pieces telling you how to manage your heartbreak but in the throes of your sobbing nothing makes sense, you’re not going to listen to their superior opinions on how to deal with your own pain.
I just want to say that there is no one single person crafted especially for you, if you thought that was the best thing you could get just wait till you see what’s next. My advice? Don’t let heartbreak win, after you’ve let it fester long enough kick it’s butt and make yourself the best possible version you can be, love will find you.
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Winnie Dashe is a fashion designer with a penchant for books and storytelling. She enjoys living vicariously through other people's relationship tales and this is reflected in the topics she choses to write about. When she isn’t asking questions and making notes about people’s affairs, she is trying to perfect a food recipe or fabric hunting.