The source of many problems in many relationships and marriages at the very root of whatever the issue may be, is one word “SELFISHNESS”.
Naturally, we are all born self centered and there is actually a good part to this, in that I feed myself, I get sleep, eat and exercise. But when that self centeredness turns to selfishness, in which I view my relationship and marriage in terms of what am getting out of it, then I get to the point where I say “You’re not making me happy, so I’m out of here.”
It is obviously selfishness that makes a guy see every lady that comes his way as a sexual machine or sexual object to be used to satisfy his crazy raging sexual hormones. While it is also selfishness that makes a lady see every guy that comes her way as a cow with financial breasts that she can milk dry.
However, the opposite of selfishness is love. Love approaches life with the attitude of “How can I help you? How can I make your life better? How can I be a better partner to you?”. The opposite of selfishness, the attitude of love would lead you to take positive steps that would resolve the normal conflict that you have. Every relationship and marriage usually would have conflicts, but if am operating from a selfish perspective, then my way is the right way and I would argue you to the end that I am right and you’re wrong.
So what if you win the argument and your spouse gives up and say ‘you win’? They’re now a loser and you the winner? Let me tell you the truth, it’s no fun to live with a loser, so why create one?
The Most common problem is, we argue trying to win the argument trying to convince them that I’m right and you’re wrong. That’s obviously not a healthy relationship or marriage. Marriage is, ‘I want to know what you think, how you feel. I want to try to understand your perspective because we’re a team’.
Obviously, you both would disagree at some point, but you have to make it a resolve to respect your partners thoughts and feelings and then say “Ok we disagree, so how can we solve this problem?”
Let’s spend our energy on the solution rather than trying to win the argument because we are a team, not rivals competing for a position.
