Nowadays we are seeing a surge in divorce cases and while it is scary for someone like myself who is a firm believer of love and all the promises it holds, it is a reality some couples have had to deal with. So you decide this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, this is who you want to grow old with and then one day, you suddenly can’t stand each other anymore.
For spectators and fans who have such crazy love for celebrity couples, you can literally feel the let down when your favourite people have concluded they can no longer be together anymore, it begs the question, ‘what went wrong?’
A number of divorces have been attributed to domestic violence and I strongly advocate for the spouse experiencing abuse to leave the marriage. You did not sign up to be someone’s punching bag or be an avenue for transfer of brutality and gross wickedness. It becomes worse when people expect you to remain in the marriage to ‘save face’ (I have never understood this). What exactly are you saving? Countless women have lost their lives to their husbands because of the mistake of staying to fix it when divorcing would have given them a better shot at life.
Interestingly, there are couples who haven’t had a history of abuse but cited compatibility issues as to why they chose to divorce
If you dated someone long enough, you would understand what it is to be with someone you’re not compatible with. While you’re dating you can choose to not deal with the incompatibility and go your separate ways but with marriage, you have to deal with family pressures, if you have kids, you have to deal with either single parenting or come up with a schedule that lets you spend time and cater for your kids adequately.
Incompatibility can stem from difference in values, religion, future career plans, family planning etc. You have the devout Deeper Life believer struggling to catch up with the spouse who is a devout Christ Embassy member, or a job promotion that will probably cause the wife to travel or relocate while the husband is comfortable where he is, or a husband who doesn’t want children while the wife wants lot of kids etc.
Some couples may ignore discussing this factor early on but it tends to creep in much later in the marriage and when it becomes clear they can’t forge ahead; they go their separate ways.
Another seemingly reason for marital split is the issue of financial constraints. It put a lot of strain on couples when they cannot afford to cater for themselves and family. No one likes being poor even though circumstances may not favour one, but living in poverty can lead to depression, unnecessary fights that money should have solved.
One big deal breaker and also a strong cause of divorce is CHEATING. It literally leaves your partner in a state of emotional turmoil, sometimes with feelings of inadequacies and jeopardizing their health as they are at risk of contracting STDs/STIs.
Sometimes life will throw you a curveball and this is when the ‘true test of love’ comes in full play. A seemingly happy union may turn sour when a partner faces a life threatening situation like cancer, or an accident that may render him/her completely dependent. Some persons cannot handle the responsibility of caring for another adult and so when it becomes overwhelming, they leave.
Marriage is ultimately dependent on the couples involved and sometimes some people don’t just work out not because they were bad people but it is what is it and at this stage they often cite it as irreconcilable differences.
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Anwuli Roseline is a lover of the arts with skills in music, sound management and writing. She has a blog anwuliroseline.blogspot.com where she pens her poetry, short stories and anything else she writes. Anwuli draws inspiration from life, music and events around her. Email: firstname.lastname@example.org