Dating, as it happens in the world today, seems to be a spiral of anticipation and letdown. And young adults struggle more with it because this pattern has been ruined by incongruent behavior and half-hearted attempts to be what others expect them to be. A lot of us are involved in situations whereby someone shows interest for a time and then doesn’t ever show up anymore, without explaining anything. Then, they may resurface weeks later with the impression nothing has occurred and leave us dumbfounded and angry. That again provokes a continuous cycle of second-guessing and decisions of what exactly it is that we have at hand.
The case of Peace, who had been reconnecting with someone she’d been interested in. A few really good dates, and there was definitely something there, until he stopped texting her back. Weeks passed, and just as she was getting over him, she ran into him. He acted as if they had always been good friends, saying casually, “Hey, we should catch up sometime.” It was like setting her amidst turmoil. Should she try once again now, knowing he once vanished, or protect herself from further hurt?
It’s the situation that many young adults are in: attempting to work through a seemingly meaningless and indecisive dating culture. Between dating apps and social media, the options are endless, making it all too easy for some to consider someone less desirable, or too much “work,” and treat connections as disposable. The “fear of missing out” pushes many to keep things casual, just in case someone “better” comes along. Convenient as it may be to move on quickly, in its wake, it leaves a trail of broken, unfinished connections, and people wondering if they’ll ever find someone who’s truly invested.
What’s more, the pressures of modern dating too often make it hard to admit when we want something real. For fear of coming on too strong, appearing “clingy,” or expecting commitment too soon, a culture of silence and hesitation is created. We crave intimacy in our lives, yet we are so scared of getting hurt. So often, people play it as close to their chest as possible and wait for the other person to show their cards first. It becomes a waiting game, where both people hold back in anticipation of the other one making the first move.
In this era of ghosting, re-appearing, and “maybe” relationships, young adults are getting desperately hungry for consistency. Truthfully, despite our fears of being cautious, many of us still crave a partner without all the guessing and mystery. We’re learning that true connection requires clarity and commitment, something way more valuable than fleeting attention. And for those willing to pursue it, their reward is in finding someone who’s just as invested in building something real, even when the world around them seems to avoid commitment at all costs.
