You don’t have to act like spiderman to gain pleasure – Angela
On your mark. Get set. Go!
I have never been a fan of racing, sprinting, or running. Why? It is stressful and I hate the sweaty part. Anything that is spelled with stress is not for me.
So, every time I hear those six words, my heart does 1000 beats per second. That is not even a lie.
Three years ago, I met this handsome bloke. He was the perfect definition of a Yoruba demon and he was not even Yoruba. I mean, he ticked every box of every silly thing I wanted in a man. We talked for hours and hours. Then he said: “I can go for hours.” Go where? Hours? For what?
What he meant was that he could have sex for hours and hours. Even Muni Long didn’t mean it when she sang “Makin’ love to you for hours, Layin’ on your chest for hours.” It’s called hyperbole. I wanted to believe it was a joke, perhaps he had to say that to boost his ego and make me see him as a god. But, gods don’t lie.
According to a 2005 sex therapy survey, vaginal sex typically lasts 3-7minutes. Anywhere from 7-13minutes is desirable. [Kindly note that these figures only apply to vaginal sex that involves penetration]
Most people conflate sex with the Humpty dumpty groans and bed creaking sounds. Sex is commonly defined as the insertion of a penis into a vagina. They engage in all sorts of sexual activity but wouldn’t consider it as such because no penetration was involved. But, that isn’t the case. There is a lot more to sex than penetration.
Longer sex doesn’t equate to better sex…!
In a research I conducted recently, I reached out to five netizens asking them about their sexual experiences so far and how long they think sex should last. I got feedback from two out of five people and they had so much to share.
Tomi, 25, Data scientist:
I have always been conscious of my energy span regarding my sexual relations. I grew up believing that sex should last for an hour or two. It got worse when I got dumped twice in a year because of how quickly I nut. I blamed my solitary affairs for that.
So, every time I planned to have sex, I rush down to the beer parlor in my neighborhood to get a bottle of paraga ( a local gin used to enhance sexual experience by increasing energy and delaying orgasm).
The last experience I had was humiliating. My partner kept asking if I had an orgasm because she was tired and was getting dry down there. I wasn’t even close to cumming. So, I faked an orgasm and ran to the toilet to quickly stroke my penis for a quick release.
Wow. That’s embarrassing!
Yes, it was.
So, How long do you think sex should last?
About the same time as one Abbott Elementary Episode.
[Abbott elementary is a show that runs for 20 mins]
Angela, 26, communication strategist:
Sex, for me, has always been about penetration. I mean, I start the clock at penile penetration and stop at ejaculation.
Why is that so?
Because most men I have been involved with, act like it is a sport. Sex isn’t a sport. You don’t have to act like Spiderman to gain pleasure.
It just feels like they use it as a form of exercise. I mean, what is all this excessive bumping and aggressive thrusting? Don’t get me started on the time. 30mins into the sex, and you haven’t cum? Do you want to kill me?
I don’t know who told these men that they need to go for hours. Our vagina doesn’t support that. I mean it gets dried up if the thrusting is too much. We need breaks!
So, what would you like to say regarding this?
I think people should focus more on foreplay and try other sexual activities. Penetration is just overrated.
How to last longer in bed — without stressing yourself out
Sex isn’t just about penetration, It encompasses a lot more than that. Foreplay and oral acts are a part of sex — they don’t have a different category. As Angela said, sex doesn’t have to be a sport or a show. But 5 minutes isn’t enough to explore and get to the good part.
A 2020 study published in the journal of sexual medicine discovered that it takes a woman approximately 13 minutes to orgasm from penile-vaginal intercourse. While it takes a man 5 minutes to orgasm.
To balance the equation, it’ll be beneficial to last longer in bed whilst making it pleasurable at the same time. That is, it doesn’t get boring or seen as a strenuous activity, especially for the other partner that is yet to orgasm.
The following method can be used to last longer in bed:
I like to think of this as the main event. It helps partners to connect and explore each other’s bodies. It creates erotic stimulation and prepares the body for sex. This process involves kissing, fondling, stroking, and other fun activities.
2. New positions
There is no fun in sticking to one position when having sex. Switching or trying out other positions helps to keep the passion alive. It also extends the time.
3. Sex toys
Wands, vibrators, and dildos have been proven to enhance pleasure. Incorporating this gives you and your partner a chance at exploring your bodies using the toys and doing new things beyond the regular “mummy-daddy” sexual technique. [Tip: try stimulating the clit with a clit vibrator during sex] that’s a million-dollar tip! Thank me later.
4. Sexual Techniques (stop-start method, squeeze method, visualization)
- Instead of plummeting hard and fast, you can incorporate the stop-start method where you pause while thrusting and continue after a few minutes of rest. During the stop period, you can try kissing or going oral, or introducing a sex toy like a dildo or a vibrator. This gives you enough time to catch your breath and takes your mind off “cumming” for a while.
- The squeeze method is used to delay orgasm by holding the penis for a while when you sense an incoming release. This method isn’t well trusted. It has an 80% chance of going wrong because controlling the penis when it is close to release is quite hard.
- The visualization method is a strategy that is used to control physical activity. The process includes you creating a mental image that can either distract you or intensify the pleasure. It depends on the kind of image. You can either picture yourself staying hard for a long period or think of a rat image to distract you from cumming.
I know you are waiting for me to complete the story with the handsome bloke I met three years ago. Don’t worry, I still don’t know if he could go for hours and hours. I ran…!
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Zay Uthman is a freelance writer with five years of experience in blog content and fiction writing. She is Nigerian but based in Cotonou, Benin Republic. Zay is a certified Google-certified digital marketer and content creator. She is an enthusiast of women empowerment and has severally evangelized the movement. Inclusive in her accomplishments is her founding of Zallure Naturals - a skin/hair care brand. Her interests her reading, writing, traveling and searching for food recipes. She is an innovative, target oriented and resourceful writer. Her skill set and knowledge allow a broad range of writing possibilities across diverse subjects and genres.