I’m very certain you have experienced firsthand or have a friend who dated a bad guy who was vividly a bad omen. Even despite all the red flags, the pull towards that bad guy seems irresistible. It does beat one’s imagination that a sweet, smart well mannered, and industrious lady would fall in love with a guy knowing fully well that heartbreak lies on the horizon. This act normally begs the question, why do good girls find bad boys attractive?
Before answering this question we have to give meaning to the concept “a bad boy”.
A bad boy is a physically attractive man, but he’s unwilling to render sacrificial love in a relationship. And he’s too immature, irresponsible, and extremely self-centered to share authentic love, care, acceptance, or empathy. He normally displays the following characteristics: lying, stealing, fear of commitment, sexual promiscuity and infidelity, addiction to pornography and substance abuse, selfishness, hunger for power, greed, etc. A bad boy is not someone concerned about true love, because that requires persistent self-sacrifice. A bad boy will only give to a girl or anyone else if it wouldn’t inconvenience him or if he gets a dividend in return for that act of service. He expects the girl to do most of the giving and feels entitled to it. He ignores the genuine needs and concerns of his partner all in the bid of taking advantage of her.
So why do ladies find themselves attracted to this kind of guy?
1. THEY SEEM EXCITING, ADVENTUROUS, AND ROMANTIC :
Our world today glamorizes the bad boy’s lifestyle. Just take a look at some of the popular celebrities in Nigeria ranging from music stars to movie stars, bad boys pull lots of attention to themselves, and their fame or playful personality is really attractive. The vague excitement of dating a bad boy can play into a lady’s need for acceptance and affection. What some ladies don’t take into account is that by dating a notorious guy, they can dent their reputation. If people don’t respect and think good of your boyfriend, it would be a herculean task respecting you. Bad boys may be fun, but the fun is never all there is to life. Responsibility and hard times would come and that is what differentiates boys from men, true love from fake love. He applauds you with compliments and attention, usually at the beginning of the relationship but the moment he loses that fire and you cease to make him happy, he starts saying that he’s no longer feeling the vibe and that’s another way of saying he’s no longer interested in you. Soon, he zooms off looking for another girl to indulge his selfish needs.
2. COURAGEOUS ENOUGH TO WOO ME :
Bad boys tend to be more courageous and assertive than the nice guys. Since most ladies want to be chased, it feels nice when that happens to them. Some single Christian ladies also complain that they’re tired of Christian men being too passive, non-adventurous; and unromantic. Good and responsible guys also wait too long to initiate relationships. However, dating a guy with a sick character, even if he chased and wooed you, still equals a sick relationship.This does not mean you should date a guy who’s stale and unromantic On the contrary, date a guy who has moral qualities that attracts you. Ladies, your heart is so precious, and in order not to be giving it doses of heartbreak, scan a man’s character properly before giving him your heart.
3 THE “I CAN CHANGE HIM” MENTALITY :
Women naturally are nurturers in make-up and might allow their fix-it instinct to flow into their love lives. They view bad boys as projects, and unlike men that usually run from trouble, they run into trouble thinking they can fix and quail it. Every good girl who is dating a bad boy admits that her boyfriend has character issues but thinks she can help him get to maturation and change him for the better. If a girl comes from an abusive background, she may not have the foresight to acknowledge a guy with good character. She might even subconsciously think that marrying a bad boy would rid her of her past hurts. The fact is it’s impossible to fix anyone. A guy might fake integrity and trustworthiness over a short period but it’s better if he changes because he truly loves you not because you love him. It is maturity when he decides to do so himself.If a woman thinks a bad boy’s character won’t affect her, she’s just living in a fool’s paradise. Though she might believe she’s isolated from the consequences of his greed (As we see with those dating yahoo boys) addictions, unfaithfulness and immaturity, she’s usually the ground to receive the spilled water and suffer the effects of those character flaws. She may stay put in the relationship, thinking her sacrifice and all her efforts to make the relationship work would encourage him to change, but she would likely discover that later on, his abusive behavior has damaged her self-esteem and has drained her, making her lose herself.
4. HE CAN PROTECT ME:
Women who feel beclouded by threats, fears, and insecurities can often fall for tough guys, that’s why it’s also common to find some good girls dating guys who are cultists. Psychologist Forrest Talley, Ph.D. said on this issue that “They desire to have someone in their life who is tough enough to face the world and punch back when necessary,” he says.Some women likely feel more secure by the tough guy and his aggressive behavior: I mean that’s why girls like guys with six-packs. On The flip side, Of course, that act of aggression gets turned around and comes your way sooner or later when you anger him. In conclusion, ladies do know what they want consciously but unconsciously have other wants that make them wish they could find hybrid men (Good and bad together) But such men don’t exist, it’s either a good man or a bad man. So choose wisely.
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Alabi Miracle. A law student of Ambrose Alli university Ekpoma with interest in writing.