On Saturday morning, my timeline was completely filled with stories about the death of the “Ekwueme” crooner, Minister Osinachi Nwachukwu. To say was I shocked is basically an understatement, it was more like too unexpected, but truly death isn’t something that should be expected even though it is unavoidable.
Immediately I saw the news, I started thinking about why it seems ministers of God are dying lately, because we just lost Chinedu Nwadike last week to cancer after recovery from kidney problems. To my utmost surprise, after my own findings, I discovered that she was a victim of domestic violence. How??
The news reported that she has been a victim of domestic violence for years, but this time around her husband kicked her in the chest, and this left her unconscious and on life support for days before she passed on. Friends and colleagues have come out to actually confirm the story about she experiencing domestic violence.
Too many evidences buttresses the fact that her husband was very toxic. The fear of what people will say and what people will think has sent so many women to their early grave. In this 21st century, I see no justification for anybody, man or woman, who continues to stay with a partner that physically assaults them. For what? Please do not get me wrong, I’m not an advocate for divorce, but I believe that separating yourself, in terms of distance, from a partner who hits you is better than staying in close proximity with them.
Our idea of loyalty and humility has made us really stupid in Africa. The mental torture, living in constant fear, psychological blackmail and every other thing surrounding it should be enough reason for you to stand up for yourself, even without the approval of anyone. Churches will tell you to pray without season and fix your home, aged parents will tell you tales of how they stuck with their partners even with toxic behaviours, they will remind you of how your children will suffer when you leave. Everyone not in your shoes will practically tell you what they feel you should do, but you wear the shoe and you know where it pinches.
Sometimes, prayers is not what we need. Sometimes what we need is common sense, that is why God gave us brains. I’m sure God must be tired to see us praying for things that he has given us to brain to take care of.
Even though the said husband of Minister Osinachi has been arrested and jailed, with the way Nigeria’s legal system works, he will be out in just a short time. Yet, the Minister is gone and gone for good, leaving behind the children that made her stay put in the abusive relationship. Children that she could have been alive to take care of if only she took the bold step of walking away and separating herself much earlier.
Shame on the religious leaders who knew and kept quiet, shame on the traditional system in Africa and Nigeria especially that would prefer to see women die in abusive relationships instead of advising them to leave. Shame on men and women who abuse their partners physically, mentally, psychologically and in every toxic way possible.
My heart goes to the children left behind. May God’s grace keep you all.