So you met this nice-looking gentleman, who seemed to be the exact picture of the kind of guy you want to fall in love with: I mean, he’s tickling your fancy and ticked off all the boxes for the kind of husband you would want. He asked you out and because you’re already seeking after him in your heart just like love at first sight, you said YES! Yes, you had standard and made it known to him vividly, of which he gladly compromised. He seemed much like an angel or maybe like a being from another planet. You both allowed the relationship to evolve on its grinding slowly with the emotions of love running deep. Everything was going on fine! till you lose your head and couldn’t control it anymore, so you both had sex. The next day came and his attitude towards the relationship changed with the withdrawal syndrome. The once nice-looking gentleman is now acting distant, and awkward, refusing to call or reply to your calls and text messages. It would normally take lots of pleading and persuasion before he comes around to see you:and when he does he often sends a scent through his tone and mood during conversations that show indifference. You have asked him what the matter could be and why he’s avoiding you, and he replies by saying he’s just too busy and has a lot on him (Which of course is an unwritten code for men to say I’m no longer interested).
Sooner, it becomes clear to you that he’s no longer interested in the relationship and you are forced to ask yourself ” why should this happen just after sex?, could it be that he never liked me? Did I do something wrong? why did this have to happen? “. To confirm your suspicion, he leaves without giving any reason.
The chief reason why this happens is primarily that men and women are different and as such have different perspectives on sex. Sex for women is intimacy, that’s why a woman must be in love with you before ever sleeping with you. Science says that during sex for women, oxytocin increases, which bonds a woman to her partner, and that also women find it difficult to walk out of relationships that were sexual.
However, sex for men is for pleasure. It is scientifically proven that men have a higher and a crazier sexual drive. I have also discovered that though men are not naturally emotional when it comes to relationships they really can’t define love outside sex. They might pay lip service to the wordings of love but deep down in their hearts what they want is sex and sooner or later, you will notice the same. Lust at the beginning stage always looks like love: the guy is buying you a gift and acting all nice but in his heart of the heart that is a Greek gift, a Trojan horse meant to get sex from you because men know that to catch a lady you have to use the bait of affection, attention, and gifts. But why does he lose interest after sex?
Interestingly, even men often do not know what they want from the woman they are seeing. I once heard a young man say he once dated a beautiful girl, but did not know what he wanted from her until he slept with her and later realized it was just lust and not love.
Biologically, when men have sex as oxytocin increases, it lowers the man’s testosterone level which causes him to pull away usually after sex. Now, if the reason he wants you is to have sex, after that, he would withdraw forever because the pleasure has been fulfilled.
Also, a study was done in New York on the topic ” what men want “. They picked nine random men and ask them their idea about men, women, and sex, and they all agreed that when it comes to sex, men usually have a double standard, in which they would persuade you to go to bed with them but later would also feel disappointed and intuitively feel you’re cheap and that they’ve used you, so no need to keeping you around anymore.
Finally, Annette Aminate from the Uganda Counselling Association, says: “If a man disappears after you have had sex, that is a sign that he wasn’t into you in the first place. Also, there’s the possibility that he likes you but giving him your body all too quickly before marriage would demotivate him from chasing after you and giving you love that is based on value. I know that in the world of ladies sex is a motivator, but in the world of men, it’s a demotivator.
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Alabi Miracle. A law student of Ambrose Alli university Ekpoma with interest in writing.