Most African parents are probably the biggest stress of African children. They make relationships with them extremely hard in the name of good, strict parenting.
I wouldn’t be lying when saying it is with great effort and stress that one manages their relationship with their parents, and most times, they even get tired of trying and just leave things as they are.
I’ve taken my time to list out a few things that can help with having or building a healthy relationship with ones parents. They are not perfect—not even close to perfect—but they are still your parents and your relationship with them should be as smooth as possible. Understanding them would be better when you remember these few tips.
1. They love you
I get it, they’re bad at showing you how much they care. They beat you up when you’re wrong, and scream at you when you try to explain things to them. They shut you out, wanting to control your whole life but themselves but you need to remember that they love you. They’re just not good at expressing their love, but you know it deep down that you are their baby, no matter what.
2. They want the best for you
They want you to be all grown up, happy and successful, and because of this, they push you beyond your limit. They force you to do programs you’re not interested in and overlook the things you love doing. This is wrong, but you need to remember that they have your best interest at heart. Maybe they don’t know what’s best for you, maybe you need to explain to them that what’s best for them most likely won’t be what’s best for you.
3. They grew up in a polluted environment
They probably had parents worse than them, parents who ruled with a iron fist and friends who had parents just like that. It’s all they know, it’s they only way they know how to train their babies. They probably weren’t exposed as much as you are, so they do not see beyond, they are not open because they do not even know what it is to be open.
4. You need to be the bigger person
Maybe you need to show them that you’ve grown and you’re the adult they don’t believe you are. Be the bigger person for them, be the calm one when matters arise, be the one that agrees to have conversations with them even though they make talking very hard.
5. Try to understand them
You really should. They might do alot of things that you do not like, so instead of lashing out rudely at them, why don’t you show them that even if you don’t agree with them, you can sit in their shoes and understand them? That way, you won’t even know when you start influencing them to do the same for you.
African parents can be a lot to handle, that is true but handling them isn’t impossible. It just takes a higher level of maturity. You’re not being asked to bend to their will and nod your head at their every rule, even when they’re obviously wrong, I’m just saying there’s always a better ways to handle tough situations with them.
That relationship with your parents could be less messy and less draining. Why not give it a shot?
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Okoronkwo Amarachi (Maracci), is a writer and content creator. Presently undergoing an undergraduate degree in the department of medical laboratory science, she continues to explore her artistic side as she dabbles in poetry, prose and essay writing.