I didn’t meet vaginal orgasms until about 6 years after I’d started penetrative sex, during this period I had a variety of partners, different kinds of sex and a lot of conversation on how good sex was supposed to feel to me a woman.
Orgasms happen when a number of physiological, emotional and cognitive changes happen after mental or physical stimulation. Master and Johnson’s four phase model shows a pattern that happens in all types of sexual response and are not specific to only penile-vaginal sex.
During an orgasm genital muscles including the uterus and introitus experience rhythmic contractions around 0.8 seconds apart, female orgasms usually last longer than men’s lasting as long as 13 -51 seconds. Unlike men who need to recover after an orgasm most women can have further orgasms if stimulated.
A lot of women are hounded by the myth that sex without an orgasm should not qualify as a real sex encounter when in truth only about 6% claim to always get an orgasm during penetrative sex. A large number of heterosexual women will only ever meet an orgasm at their own hands or with the help of sexual aids and toys, this doesn’t reduce the quality of sex they chose to have and is not an indication of their appeal.
Nothing ruins sex more than when one is constantly badgered with that most annoying “have you cum?”
Many a woman has resorted to faking an orgasm and moaning for his benefit.
Why bother you say? Considering that often times this question is asked not in consideration of the woman’s feelings but as an extension of the man’s ego, a measurement of his prowess, how exhausting is that?
As recently as the 70s doctors had opined that female orgasms were myth meanwhile research has shown that women are fully capable not only of having orgasms but having different types of orgasms such as
- Multiple Orgasms: plenty orgasms over a short period of time rather than the one orgasm.
- Pressure Orgasm: orgasms derived from indirect stimulation of applied pressure.
- Fantasy orgasm: these come from mental stimulation alone.
- Relaxation orgasms: deep relaxation methods such as massages during sexual stimulation are responsible for these types of orgasms.
- G-Spot orgasms: these come from the stimulation of a erotic zone during penetration, these type of orgasms feel differently from orgasms gotten from other types of stimulation.
Stress and fatigue are the most cited causes for preventing women from attaining orgasm, finding it difficult to concentrate was also key, the inability to fully abandon rationale interrupts with reaching the peak.
The key to female orgasms are in the mind and relationships,
with factors being how open and expressive sexual communication gets with the partner, how high sexual desire and sexual self esteem are, how important orgasms are and how sexually adventurous and curious they are. It’s very important to note that a lot of women need reassurance and conversation and feedback make a world of difference, I must place the onus on the woman to learn her body and its mechanisms, having various preferences and experiences will open up different ways to enjoy sex. No one is going to take better care of a woman than she is.
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Winnie Dashe is a fashion designer with a penchant for books and storytelling. She enjoys living vicariously through other people's relationship tales and this is reflected in the topics she choses to write about. When she isn’t asking questions and making notes about people’s affairs, she is trying to perfect a food recipe or fabric hunting.