Fitness entrepreneur and ex-husband of Nollywood actress Toke Makinwa, Maje Ayida, has spoken candidly about sinking into depression following their widely publicised divorce.
Speaking recently at a UK church — in a clip that has since gone viral on social media — Ayida shared how the aftermath of their split exposed him to intense public scrutiny, pushing him into isolation and affecting both his self-esteem and professional life.
“I will be honest about the fact that I went through a divorce which resulted in me being depressed. It was a very publicised divorce,” he said.
Ayida revealed that the shame he felt led him to withdraw from society and lose focus on work, resulting in missed business opportunities.
“That left me feeling very alone. I withdrew from society, I was really ashamed of my situation. Not just for myself, of course, my self-esteem was affected, but legacy is very important to me. I was ashamed of what I felt I had done to my family’s name. As a result, I went into hiding.
“I didn’t want to interact with anyone. I wanted to be alone, stay at home. I stopped going to work. I found it very difficult to work. It was very hard.”
He admitted the situation became overwhelming, describing how it took a toll on his mental health and ability to function.
“I not only lost focus but also motivation. I lost the essence of to even get up in the morning. What am I getting up for? Everyone already feels a certain way about me. So, I started to lose work as a result of it. That was when it really started to get to me.
“As a man, your work is your identity, and I started to lose work, business deals so it became a real problem for me.”
Ayida noted that his turning point came when he decided to take responsibility and seek solutions.
“That was when I made a decision. I had to make a decision for my own survival because I was living in hopelessness. It went on for weeks.
“I was out of the loop for a whole year. I checked out of life for a year to recoup. I realised that I was in a very dark space. I was in a hole but I needed to get out of it… I was on the floor. What’s sleep? I didn’t even know what that was. I had insomnia.
“I was paranoid as well so the few chances that I do get to go out, I have created a scenario in my own mind that everybody is talking about me, people are looking at me. And that would just send me back into my own home.
“That feeling of hopelessness and the noise that was going on around me even though I was in silence was insane. I made a choice. I decided that I didn’t want to stay in this space.
“I did research on how to deal with it. The top of the list of the research that I did was accountability. I took the blame on myself. It made me feel worse at first until I began to take practical steps.”
Ayida and Makinwa tied the knot in 2014, but their marriage ended in 2016. In 2017, Ayida filed a N100 million lawsuit against Makinwa for defamation following the publication of her memoir On Becoming, in which she chronicled the collapse of their marriage.
Despite a prior warning from Ayida’s legal team to remove alleged defamatory content from the book, Makinwa proceeded with its publication.
In November 2020, a Lagos State High Court sitting at Tafawa Balewa Square ruled in Ayida’s favour. The court awarded N500,000 in damages to be paid by both the 1st and 2nd defendants to a charity of Ayida’s choice and barred the continued production of the book containing the disputed content.
