Dear readers, today I’ll be sharing my answers to certain questions from our readers. Let’s go through them together, shall we?
Dear DOJ,
There’s this guy I randomly sent a friend request to on Facebook, he’s quite handsome, our acquaintance is just one week old, and he wants a meet up. Not that I can’t, we’ve been vibing quite well but I don’t know if a meet up after the first week of chatting would be right, what do you think?
Some people see virtual conversations as stress and a killjoy. Okay, I meet this new person that’s pretty cool on social media. I really want to know more about her, so I start chatting her up frequently, we have deep chats where we tell each other almost everything about ourselves. Finally the d-day comes when we go on a real physical date. We were happy to see each other till the time came for conversation. Five minutes into the conversation, we are out of things to talk about because we literally know the answer to almost everything we want to ask about each other… so we sit staring at the meal in front of us till it gets cold.
In essence, some people don’t really fancy being a text buddy, someone that chats you up every time, video calls and all especially when you both haven’t met…they prefer to just start the first week or two with basic texts just to get acquainted then set a date immediately where you are both physically present and are able to engage yourselves well with trust…
But it is fine if you expect a bond first to be formed over social media before you get to see the other person in real life. Your privacy and trust is still yours. And you have every right to feel protective about any stranger that wants to meet up with you because these days it’s hard to trust people you meet on social media.
You can discuss how you’d really love to meet him but you don’t want things to go too fast since you’re just getting to know each other over texts. Tell him that you really just want to be sure that when you finally meet, it will be a real person and will be worth it.
Dear DOJ,
Why is so difficult to have sex for the first time? I and my boyfriend have been trying to do it but each time we start, it begins to hurt and then we have to stop. I feel like I’m scared and not ready. I don’t want to remain like this for too long, what can I do?
There are lot of factors attached to this phobia. Its normal as a virgin to feel scared about sex. Maybe you’re scared of bleeding. Rest assured that not everyone that actually hurts or bleeds. The bleeding comes as a result of an inelastic hymen, there are a lot of things that can lead to stretching your hymen such as, squats, gymnastics and some physical activities. Your phobia could also be as a result of past sexual harassment or abuse where someone tried intimacy without your consent. If the latter is one of the reasons, you can sit down and talk about it with your partner. Both of you can agree to take it slow rather than rush things. Also make sure to use lubrications during penetration to reduce the friction that causes hurt. The most important part is that you both feel comfort and pleasure while having sex.
I hope you all learned something valuable from today’s responses. I’m always open to answer whatever is bothering your mind so make sure to keep those questions coming. I remain your ever loyal Agony Uncle, DOJ.
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